Just got this in our email box:
NEW YORK – The New York Yankees announced today the firing of office manager John DiMaggio, citing a key logistical failure that resulted in their 3-0 loss to the Detroit Tigers on Sunday.
Team officials stated that Mr. DiMaggio had been tasked with distributing a key memorandum, titled, “Win One for the Captain!” to active members of the team’s roster.
Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman commented on the unfortunate situation, “Mr. DiMaggio sent the memo off to be translated into Japanese, but unfortunately forgot to distribute it to the rest of the team. As a result, only Hiroki Kuroda received the message.”
Hitting coach Kevin Long added, “We felt that a memorandum was the most effective way to address the lineup-wide slump of Yankee hitters. On our day off tomorrow, we may try some more traditional coaching methods, like practicing not swinging at off-speed pitches two feet off the plate.”
Mr. DiMaggio declined to comment when asked this night except to say that he was at home watching, “The Walking Dead.” At time of embargo, it is unclear whether he was watching the season premier of the hit AMC show or tape of the Yankee hitting lineup.
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
4 Responses to Press Release: Yankee Front Office Takes the Blame for Loss to the Tigers
Leave a Reply
TIQ IQ
Wow…just wow. So this is all the blame of some office manager. I just knew our dear Yankees would NEVER let poor Jeter down in his time of need by continuing their oh so selfish ways of not scoring runs. I’m sure that they were totally obvious to the fact that Jeter was even hurt or not in last nights game. Hell, why not get this office manager back in three days and nail him to a cross and placed in front of Yankees Stadium for all of us to toss rocks at when we get totally wiped out the next two games. Yeah!
I just want to make this clear: I wrote this as a joke :)
(Thought the last line made that clear)
That was quite evident within 10 seconds of reading this piece.
And to think it wasn’t even April 1st!!! I loved ready this article, it was great to laugh again!!