Ways to Suppress Homers in the Launching Pad

Since Yankee Stadium officially has given up the most home runs through 6 games in the history of the universe, and home run ballparks inevitably seem to be homes for lousy teams (see Rockies and Orioles), I figure we all need to pool our collective brainpower to find ways of suppressing the power index of this overly generous coliseum.  Here are some possibilities for accomplishing that goal, but feel free to add your own:

1. Move fence back to original dimensions of 460 in left-center, 425 in right-center, and 490 in cf.  Damn!  Babe Ruth hit that many homers in THAT park?  Wow.
2. Suspend Big Papi above the Major Deegan so his fat butt blocks the wind from entering the Stadium
3. Give adjacent seats in right field to both Curt Schilling & Hal Steinbrenner.  Their conversations would create enough hot air to blow back at least 100 homers/year
4. MTA places tax on homers based on how far ball goes in order to make up for the deficit they’re somehow running on despite record levels of ridership.
5. Obama places tax on anyone homering more than 35 times per year
6. Giant poster of A-Rod kissing himself in right field scares ball back
7. Chill all bats per Pedro Cerrano’s theory (“hats for bats… keep bats warm!”)
8. Two words: Arena Baseball!
9. Move the walls back one inch every time a sportswriter makes a dopey comment about how Joba belongs in the bullpen… never mind – right field would wind up in Siberia
10. Now playing right field for the Yankees… LeBron James…. LeBron… James